Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Sleepless Nights: When your mind is racing with thoughts

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There're those nights when your mind will refuse to shut up and all you would do is THINK. You would think about what happened the past hour, the past week, the past month or perhaps the past year. You would think about the good and the bad. You would think about what could have been, what should and why it didn't. You would keep replaying the moments like a stuck record tape until you're convinced that the universe is conspired against you and you just can't seem to have your own way.

You would toss and turn around in your bed unable to fall asleep. You would wonder why isn't life so perfect? Why isn't life similar to fairy tales in the books and the movies? Why couldn't you be flawless and perfect? Why is it when everything seems so easy and right, it ends?

"At any given point of time, our one foot is in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss."

It's at night when you seem to see your true desires.You would think of the failures and what would have people said, the successes and how it motivates you to strive for better from then, the messages that you never sent, the things you never meant. You reflect on the moments of unhappiness which gets momentarily blinded by the sun. 

Its when you become poets and philosophers.

Its that time of the night when your most tender, vulnerable side of you come into play in front of the non judgmental  eyes of the stars. At this current point of time you feel completely alone. At night when the world goes to sleep, you're left with your worries, fears and pains. The weight of all this might me unbearable. The feeling of chaos in your mind makes sleep almost impossible and all you really want is someone to hold you and say "You're not alone". 

Ah! These magical words would light up your spirits but well, there is no one around and instead you tell your mind to shut up and sleep so that you could wake up on time for the important meeting the next day. But your brain doesn't listen and you are left with your fears gripping you tight making you paralyzed. Your mind races and so does your heartbeat. It is truly said that "Negative thoughts creates room for more negativity to appear"

So, you start from one incident and jump on to the next related incident and the journey is endless and you're exhausted. You look at the clock and it says 3 am and finally your eyes weigh more than your thoughts and you drift off to sleep.

How do I know all this, you might ask. I have been in your shoes would be my reply.

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Sunday, 27 July 2014

A week with a baby pigeon

I was greeted with a strong blow of dust as I opened the door of the room I was allocated to. I was in my university hostel which was around 200 miles away from home and was supposed to live there for a week midst my summer break. I pulled the blinds to let some sunshine in and I saw a bird which I couldn't recognize. It seemed a small bird with fluffy wings and yellow highlights on the head and the neck area. I turned back and asked my mom. She replied confidently, "It's a baby pigeon, also called as a squab." I had never seen a baby pigeon before and I was happy to have him just outside my window. I looked around and did not sight any nest or pigeons nearby and was immediately worried about him. My mom waved me goodbye and there I was all alone for a week but hey, I had found my companion in this baby pigeon.

If you're anything like me and haven't seen a baby
pigeon before, it looks something like this ^.^

Two days had been passed and I saw no pigeon coming to look for him. I was expecting his mother to come and feed him. With each passing day, my worry for him only increased. I tried keeping a bowl of water for him to drink but he won't just let me come near. He was too afraid of me, I suppose. Even though, I did nothing for him to be scared of me. I did research on Google regarding baby pigeons and everything that I could do for him but all was in vain.

That night as I was lying on my bed and trying to sleep, I heard a loud thunder. It started raining, actually storming. The lights went out and I was concerned about the pigeon outside. He was still too young to walk properly, let alone fly! My heart ached for him and that's when I turned into my family and friends for some help. Some made fun of my attachment and feelings for animals, some told me to let nature decide its way and course, some told me to get him inside my room while the rest told me to contact a NGO.

I was confused. I wanted the best for him but didn't know what would be the appropriate decision at that time. I wanted to get him inside. I knew he would protest and I did not wanted him to get him inside his will. He did not trusted me and I knew he would be really scared inside in my room plus I had nothing to feed him. What would happen if I make it worse? I decided to abandon the idea. I kept watching him time and again to make sure he is alright and hope his mother arrives soon. He braved the storm strongly and the night was over finally.


The next morning I was waken up the loud chirping of the birds. I looked outside the window and I saw a beautiful sight of his mother feeding the baby pigeon. I was happy and very much relived. From that day onward till yesterday, the time I left that place to come home, his mother came several times a day to feed him and flew to a safer distance where she could watch him and still guard. Ah! The love of a mother.

I now knew he was in safer hands.

Looking back I was also happy of my decision to let him stay outside that night. I was attached to him and he was the first thing I saw when I woke up and the last thing before I slept while I was there. I love him and wished I could hug him like I hug my pet dog Scruffy. I waved him goodbye and took home a lot of lessons, love and memories.

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Friday, 11 July 2014

A nostalgic blast from the past

I clutched the mp3 player in my hands tighter as the tune I listened was drifting me to the past. I have always called music as an effective mode of a time machine. Re-discovering my favorite old songs and my mp3 player which I neglected a while back when I fell in love with my iPod Touch, I was immersed in a deep thought. Nostalgia hit me, quite hard. I was astonished to see how much my life, my thoughts have changed in all these years and all it takes is one song, to bring all those memories back.

Not only songs, it could be anything that could trigger nostalgia and evoke memories that you thought lay dead within your brain. A photograph, a tune, a smell, a touch and before you know it, you're transported back in time to relive those moments that you had thought lost forever.

The other day, I saw an ice cream cart on my way to the mall. I saw a few children gathered around him eating ice lollies. That sight took me back instantly to a park that my mother used to take me as a kid and where I used to have an orange bar. Now, I don't have anything less than a Baskin Robin chocolate fudge. The under constructed building that I pass by almost all weekends where I had my first garlic bread and pizza with my dad which paved the way to my love for Italian cuisine further, the song on the radio from the long lost years, that reminds me of my childhood days and the person that I used to be and the list could go on.

The smell of rain reminds me of my grandmother home where I used to play in the rain and my grandmother made us tea and fried chips which she said was the perfect snack for a rainy day. The fragrance of Dior Addict makes me remind of my high school days.

Like every evening, I'm hearing children playing outside together happily which takes me back to the park I used to visit each Thursday and played the entire evening, sliding, building sandcastles and making friends from different countries while my mom and dad sat on a bench smiling at me.

I'll get teary eyed if I continue this post any further. It's amazing how as a child we want to grow up and become an adult and as soon you become one, you want to be a child once again but life doesn't work this way.

What triggers nostalgia in you? Share your experiences! Let's share stories and for at least a moment reminiscence the good times and the bad times that helped us shape into who we're today.

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Monday, 7 July 2014

Happiness is a state of mind

Today is my 19th birthday. Today is also the day I have learned something really important about happiness. Something that might change my perception about the world and how it functions or perhaps the way I shall think in the future.

The mantra is : Happiness is a state of mind.

Last night, I was ecstatic. I never felt such happiness within me since a really long time. My parents made it the possible best dinner night out possible and how I wish, I could lock up this feeling within me forever.

Since the last 19th years of my existence, birthdays are a great deal for me. Days before my birthday, I get nightmares about how my birthday might pass just like an ordinary day. I plan for my birthdays, weeks in advance and always try to make it the most PERFECT day in the year. I want to be treated special that day, to be treated like a princess for at least a day and there lies the problem, I expect and that my dear friend, lies the cause of my misery. I expect from people to do something special for me, to help me make the happiest day of the year and when it fails, I lose my essence of the day, making it worse than it actually is.

Today was no exception although I'm grateful that I learned this lesson finally after 19 odd years.

We often believe that our happiness depends on others, fate or external forces that or not in our control. We often try to find happiness in others failing to realize that we control our own happiness. We also tend to find happiness in materialistic things, like a big house, precious gems, expensive watches but true happiness comes in small packages. I have always been a big believer in this.We fail to feel grateful of what we have and focus on what we don't and once we're sad, we try to make ourselves more miserable by thinking of all the other things that goes wrong in our lives though directly or indirectly or not even related.

I still have four hours of my birthday. Please excuse me as I try to get my happiness in my hands and get this day better, tell my family and close friends how grateful I'm and absorb the lesson I have learned today.

A very happy birthday to me! Cheers!

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